June 15, 2023-Judy gave me 100% of what she had to give

wingssail images-fredrick roswold Judy 

I told a person who wrote to me that my life was very blessed by having Judy for the time that we were together, “Yes, absolutely, I was blessed by having her for 40 years. But it was not enough.”

Another person entered the conversation and replied, “It would never be ‘enough’. But one of you has to go first. And she gave you 100% of what she had to give.”

She gave me 100% of what she had to give

That is the most profound statement anyone has made to me about this, Judy gave me 100% of what she had to give, and in the end, that included her life.

We’ve talked for years, Judy and I, about how Judy found life on the boat increasingly difficult due to health issues and increasing frailties, that she felt that eventually we’d have to be off the boat. We both loved our life on the boat but for Judy it was getting harder. Living ashore might be easier. I said, “I’m not ready to give up this life.” and she agreed, she wasn’t ready either, but it was coming.

“Maybe we can delay that change,” I said. “Maybe we can make things easier for you where we are. We can change how we sail the boat so sailing is easier, and I can help you more around the boat in our daily living, so we can keep on doing it.”

Judy, being Judy, sucked it up and kept on sailing hard, working hard, and doing whatever she had to do so that we could continue this life, so we could live on the boat, sail the boat, and race the boat and be an integral part of the boating community where we lived. During this time of increased weakness and pain she continued without complaint to be the beloved Judy who brought light and joy to everyone whose path crossed hers.

On the boat she always did whatever it took to get the job done. She tackled her responsibilities with ever greater dedication and determination. She never let up, even though it hurt.

When her job on the race crew changed to navigator she became the best navigator we ever had. She said. “This is my only job and I am going to do it right.” She wanted it to be clear that she was a part of the team, not a passenger. But it wasn’t her only job. She was a key part of the team in so many more ways than just being the best navigator we ever had. She monitored the entire boat and watched every member of the crew. She helped us avoid countless boat handling problems. She packed all the kites. Plus she was “Mom” to everyone. And when the boat went to sea it was Judy who made sure it was ready. In port it was Judy who made living on the boat work for us. She did it all.

But this came at a great cost to her.

I recall the last sailing trip we did together, just the two of us. It was a horribly rough trip up the coast from Tennacatita, in the heaviest of winds and biggest of seas. I needed her to steer while I got the mainsail down. To keep from being thrown off the boat in the big waves she had to sit on the cockpit floor and reach behind her with one hand to steer and while she eased the halyard with the other. A huge wave struck the boat and yanked the tiller impossibly hard, which injured her shoulder, which was already hurting, but she held on and kept the boat steady then tacked when I called for it. She gave 100%. And then she cried.

One day a few months ago Judy said, “I want to get an MRI, the pain and weakness is too much.”

The MRI showed that she had problems with some discs in her neck, but that it was operable; a common operation which is often done as an outpatient.

So Judy she went in for the operation. The one which might make some things easier so we could continue sailing and living aboard, which we both wanted but in reality it was for me mostly. It was that operation which killed her.

So yes, she gave me 100% of what she had to give.

I think she sacrificed herself for this life that we chose and I am dumb struck and shattered by the depth of that sacrifice.

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Fred Roswold